What's a Recipe For Disaster?
by White Wolf Fan Fiction
Summary: (Part of an Elder Scrolls Collection) A seemingly concerned assassin, a mischievous thief, a stubborn mage, and a very pessimistic hero. Is it a recipe for disaster, or, for once, a recipe for a happy ending? (Warnings Inside: Yaoi (Boy Love), Yuri (Girl Love), Interspecies Relationships; Tedras Relvi/Azorael(Original Character), Naryu Virian/Quen) (-1-)


White Wolf Fan Fiction Presents:

~What's a Recipe For Disaster?~

An Elder Scrolls Story

* * *

 **Title:** What's a Recipe For Disaster?

 **Words:** 4,456

 **Warnings:** Yaoi (Boy Love), Yuri (Girl Love), fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, hints of alcohol, interspecies relationship

 **Pairings:** Tedras Relvi/Azorael, Naryu Virian/Quen

 **Disclaimer:** I only own Azorael and that's about it.

 **Summary:** A seemingly concerned assassin, a mischievous thief, a stubborn mage, and a very pessimistic hero. Is it a recipe for disaster, or, for once, a recipe for a happy ending?

 **A/N:** Apologies if this is terrible, but I'm kind of testing something out here. So... think of this as an experiment that I might possibly continue if prompted? Yeah? Okay. Good. Enjoy~?

-0-

The forests of Shadowfen, surrounding him, were dark, but strangely soundless and the tree- where his tail was curled tightly around a thick, but low hanging branch- was larger than most, and firm, but soft against his dry scales. A welcome comfort.

It hadn't rained in several days, but he hardly cared as he focused on lifting himself up by his tail, his muscles bunching up, tensing and relaxing, over and over as he continued the exercise. He wasn't far off from Stormhold, but he was hidden from prying eyes and that was what mattered to him the most. At least here, he wasn't bothered with the ridiculous requests from people he had nothing to do with- he wasn't a hero, no matter what he did or what people thought of him.

Soulless aren't heroes. They're monsters.

"My, for such a tiny lizard, you're quite strong, aren't you?" Refusing to admit that he- the Argonian- let out a sharp, high pitched cry of shock, he could hardly focus on that when his tail uncurled around the tree and he fell hard onto the ground, barely missing the hard stone that was a few feet from the base of the tree.

Blinking sharp blue-gold eyes open, the black scaled Argonian scrunched his nose up at the dark skinned, red eyed Dunmer. "Naryu…" he muttered darkly, not appreciating her startling entrance. "A little warning next time?" he questioned and she smirked down at him before offering a hand to help him up.

"And tell me, what is the fun in that, my scaled little friend?" she laughed light-heartedly and he rolled his eyes. "Azorael, if you don't mind me asking," she started then, as he began dusting off his clothes, readying to redress in his armor, "why are you out here on your own?"

"People are idiots," he answered, sharp and quick and easy, and she snickered.

"Indeed," she replied mildly before leaning down and she picked up his surprisingly light chest armor and his shoulder pads. "Here," she offered and he took the armor gratefully, putting them on before adjusting the straps so they were comfortable.

"What do you need Naryu?" he asked then, directing his attention back to the Dunmer and he barely kept from scrunching his nose in annoyance when he recalled how much taller she was than him. As far as Argonians went, anyway, he was short and small and tiny in general- and he was reminded of it every day when he interacted with others. _Especially_ with Nords and their resemblances to _trees_.

He hated it, but there wasn't anything he could ever do.

He was just glad he didn't often interact with Khajiit. He especially hated when those irritating Dominion cats were taller than him.

"What makes you think I need anything?" Naryu questioned with a mild pout and he snorted at her, before shaking his head and he grabbed his dual blades and put them back in their rightful places. "Very well," she hummed when it was clear he wasn't going to answer her his reasons, "I'm here to make sure you have a night of fun."

Stopping in his tracks, he whirled around and glared at her, "A night of… _fun_ …?" he scoffed and looked up through the treetops before looking back down at Naryu, eyes narrowed. "Since when has it been your concern as to whether or not I have any _fun_?" He watched Naryu open her mouth but he stopped her with a raise of his hand. "Wait, _hold on_. Are you _sure_ you're the same Naryu Virian that I saw three days ago in Mournhold?" he tilted his head and studied her then, "You're not a Skin-Stealer, are you?"

Her eyes widened and then they narrowed, "You're joking, right?" she asked and Azorael shrugged before looking away. "You're not." she sighed then and then scoffed herself, crossing her arms as she regarded him carefully. "You're tense and you haven't slept in days because of this weird little hero complex of yours-"

"I'm not a hero," he hissed at her and turned away, starting on the journey back to Stormhold to replenish some of his supplies. "And give it a rest, will you? I've got things to do and little time to do them…" he finished in a bitter mutter and Naryu made a small noise that he didn't care to discern. "Whatever _fun_ you have planned, take Quen or something and leave me out of it."

"Quen? Oh, perhaps, I'll take her to Mournhold and we'll drink wine and dance all night," she cooed, with obvious affection in her voice and Azorael didn't even feel any pride to know that he was right- that she liked Quen and held a lot of a love for the Altmer rookie thief. "Hm...maybe I can invite Lena and Hadmar…" she started and Azorael stiffened up before quickening the pace, hoping to each and every one of the Eight out there that she wasn't about to say the name he didn't want to hear right then, "and Tedras?"

Cursing sharply to himself in a dark growl, he turned and glared at the smug little Dunmer he'd come to call his friend. "I thought you weren't ever going to bring his name up to me, ever again?"

"You need some fun, friend," she grinned sharply in answer and he glowered in return, already knowing that he was losing the battle.

But he hadn't lost the war just yet.

"One drink, then I've got to make for Eastmarch," he said and she let out a noise of delight before clapping his shoulder in a heartfelt gesture of joy.

"Wonderful!"

-0-

Azorael grumbled to himself, feeling ridiculous in the fancy garb that Naryu provided him- he wouldn't admit though that he felt vulnerable without his armor. He still had his swords- and his Nightblade magicka- so he wasn't complaining… yet.

Mournhold was relatively spritely at night, when there was a celebration, at least. Though Azorael had no idea what the people of the Pact had to celebrate about- as far as he knew, the people have gone through nothing but heartbreak and despair. He should know- he helped several of these people with their millions of problems and many of those people came out without bits and pieces of their souls.

"Where is that… evil little woman?" he growled to himself, his eyes narrowed as he looked at everyone in the city, each conversing or laughing or dancing or drinking- but all enjoying themselves one way or another.

"Ah! Azorael! How delightful it is that you've decided to join us tonight for the celebration!" Azorael grimaced, ducking his head before reaching up and scratching at the back of his neck, turning to face the Dunmer that spoke- Lena Dalvel.

"Lena," he offered a sharp, but somewhat strained smile towards her, "like water on my dry scales, seeing you again." he added with a slight grimace. A simple 'a pleasure seeing you,' would have been fine for him, but he knows enough people to know what they expect from Argonians, especially from their speech.

She clapped her hands, her eyes sparkling with joy- her cheeks flushed, but that was likely due to the little bit of wine he could smell on her, even from seven feet away- before holding her hands out to him in a gesture to tag along. And, with a sigh of defeat, he decided it wouldn't do him any harm- he hadn't had his one promised drink, yet, after all, and couldn't leave until he did so. He didn't care anymore if he couldn't find Naryu- she was likely having fun with Quen, though, if he bothered to think really hard about her whereabouts- because now, at least, Lena could testify to his having been here.

"My friends will be so delighted that you've come!" Lena grinned at him and he felt a small bit of dread make itself known in the pit of his stomach; he wasn't sure he could stomach even one glass of wine, let alone a mug of that ridiculously sweet, impossibly strong Nord mead- given his size, he was more than a lightweight and he didn't care to relive the experience he had at the meadery in Eastmarch, here- if she was talking about who he thought she was talking about.

"Oh?" he questioned, clearing his throat and she hummed in answer, practically skipping as she led him towards one of the bars in the center of the city. He was a little relieved when he only saw Hadmar the Thin-Boned, among a few other unrecognizable Argonians, Nords, Altmer, and Dunmer. There was also a Khajiit, sitting at the far end of the plaza bar, with a mug of something in her hands, but she was alone and obviously not with Lena's little group, so Azorael didn't pay any mind to her as he instead turned his attention towards the group. Though, he was already counting down the minutes until he could escape the celebration and he knew he'd have to wait at least an hour or so for it to be deemably _safe_ to leave without getting scolded by Naryu later in the week.

"Welcome friend!" Hadmar grinned at him and handed him a mug of mead- something Azorael didn't have the heart to refuse the Nord, but that didn't mean he was going to drink it.

"Thank you, Hadmar," he said, politely, and it was worth the bright eyed look he received in return and the tension in his shoulders released a little as he decided it couldn't hurt to at least _try_ and have a little bit of… _fun_.

-0-

Naryu would be lucky to ever find him again, if she ever wants to invite him to another ridiculous little gathering like this again. Azorael had had enough- not of the mead or the pointless conversations. He'd had enough of being treated like he was worth something- and added to the fact that Tedras had finally arrived to the celebration, the Argonian felt like his nerves were on fire and he couldn't stand it.

Stalking to the edge of the river that surrounded Mournhold, Azorael scowled at the Guar and Alit that he could see lounging about, before deciding it couldn't hurt to get in a bit of hunting practice. Putting his hands on each opposite blade, he made ready to pull them from their sheathes when he stiffened up, feeling a smooth-skinned hand on his own dry-scaled one. "If you know what's best for you, you'll let me go…" he growled out and only heard a scoff in answer.

When he finally turned his head to look at the one responsible for his even worse mood, now, he was baffled when he saw Tedras Relvi standing there, behind him, with a mild smirk on his face. "And what, pray tell, will you do if I don't? Skewer me like you were going to do to those poor little Guar there by the river?"

"I- n-no, of course not…" Azorael choked out, still surprised and more than a little confused- and definitely wary of Tedras' intentions of meeting him out here, away from others. He finally released the leather of his blades and Tedras smiled then, nodding his head before walking down, further to the water's edge.

Azorael couldn't help but follow, now curious among the other emotions he felt.

-0-

When they'd reached the edge, Tedras had told him to wait there as he quickly made his way back to the celebration, and although Azorael's scales itched to do something, _anything_ , he waited like a silly little Guar, helpless without its master. And when Tedras finally returned, he settled on a rock beside Azorael- who sat on the ground, instead- and handed the Argonian a small goblet of wine, holding his own close at hand.

Frowning at the offer, Azorael took it with a small muttered thanks, before taking a sip, and he closed his eyes in relief when he realized the wine was watered down, just for him. "Thank you," he repeated, just a tiny bit more sincere now and Tedras chuckled, nodding his head and taking a sip from his own goblet.

"Naryu said she was going to find a way to drag you out here," Tedras finally said, gaining the Argonian's attention. "I just, didn't quite believe that you'd actually show up."

Snorting softly to himself, Azorael rolled the goblet slowly in his hands, staring at the ruby liquid, "Yeah, well, I'm here."

"Yes, I can see that. Except, my reasons for believing you wouldn't show are because I thought you didn't want to see me," he sounded a little wounded at that and Azorael grimaced before suddenly downing his wine.

"I am… not _nearly_ as drunk enough to be having this conversation, Tedras," he hissed, eyes narrowed at the river now, as he refused to look at the Dunmer beside him.

"Are saying you want to be drunk?" Tedras questioned with a slightly raised eyebrow and Azorael scrunched his nose up immediately.

"No." he answered, sharp and sure. "My inhibitions are shot to hell when I'm drunk and that's not something I can risk around you."

Tedras frowned now, looking at the Argonian with several emotions in his red eyes that Azorael refused to name, "Why…?"

And Azorael didn't see any reason to deny it now, "Because I like you," and it wasn't the alcohol that made him say so.

"And that is… a bad thing because…?" Azorael growled, low in his throat and stood up sharply, dropping the goblet to the ground in his frustration and anger at the infuriatingly oblivious Dunmer.

"Drop it, Tedras. It's not going to happen, regardless what you feel in return." he snapped, ignoring the way his heart clenched when he saw the hurt look on Tedras' face at his harsh words. "You're a Dunmer… and I'm an Argonian. Completely different races, _and_ -"

"Why should that matter?" Tedras questioned, standing up now, as well, and he sat the goblet on the stone before crossing his arms, and Azorael cursed how much taller Tedras was than him. Everyone seemed to flaunt their height around him, nowadays. "No one cares what society thinks around here, why should you? And especially since you're the hero that saved everyone-"

That was the straw that broke the camel's back and Azorael hissed at Tedras, his scales itching furiously and he reached out and grabbed the front of Tedras' clothing, jerking him down and he felt no amount of satisfaction at the surprise and the slight fear he saw in the other's eyes. "I am not a _hero_ … and it would do you best to forget about me. It will make your life a lot easier if you do…" he finished in a bitter mutter and let Tedras go before turning away, and he barely made it a few feet before Tedras spoke.

"But not yours, right?" The Dunmer scoffed and Azorael snorted in mild anger, but he couldn't quite hide the fact that Tedras was right- while Tedras might be able to forget, if he could, Azorael would never be able to. "That's what I thought."

Azorael was gone before Tedras could say anything more- and the Argonian had never been more glad he had his Nightblade magicka before then.

-0-

"You're an idiot," Naryu said, first second she spotted him, outside one of the burnt buildings in Eastmarch. He should've known better than to try and hide from the infamous Naryu Virian. He had known she was going to find him sooner or later, she always does. "You have a chance to be _happy_ and you blow it to bits and pieces in a single night."

"I'm perfectly happy without a relationship with a _Dunmer_ that I might not even be able to keep up with. This… _'job'_..." he stressed the word and used air quotations with it, telling his frustration and disgust, "of mine is hard enough without all that added bullshit." he finished with a dry smile and Naryu narrowed her eyes at the Argonian.

" _Stupid_ lizard," she spat out and he scoffed and smirked.

"Yeah, maybe, but that doesn't matter when you travel alone," he hummed and tilted his head up, wrinkling his nose up a little, "and it's going to stay that way, no matter what you say."

Naryu was silent for a good long while and for a moment, Azorael thought he had a free pass out of this conversation, but then she opened up her mouth and the last thing he expected her to say came out of it, "You don't have to travel alone." she said and when Azorael jerked his head back to look at her, she was gone.

Standing there in the cold, frozen snow, he stewed in silence for several long minutes before turning away again, scoffing and he clenched his fists. Unclenching them, though, a second later, he sighed and deflated, before running a hand over his muzzle, "Right… 'course not… but that's only half the problem, isn't it?"

-0-

"What are we stealing, again, exactly?" Azorael questioned, frowning at his partner in crime, Quen, and she grinned back at him- a type of grin he didn't trust, but then again, she was a _thief_. "And _why_ are we in Mournhold? I thought our target was supposed to be in Abah's Landing."

"He was, but then he moved to Mournhold," she said, and Azorael's eyes narrowed a little with suspicion.

"What are we stealing and _who_ is our target?" he stepped closer to her and she held up her hands with another little, more innocent grin on her face. "Quen, speak now or you're on your own." he threatened and she pouted.

"Okay, okay. It's this necklace, or something, that the guy owns. He's a Dunmer, so the necklace he owns has really powerful magic, but it's also really valuable. It's the perfect heist!"

Azorael grumbled to himself, fixing the straps of his shoulder pads, annoyed, "You're not going to tell me who it is we're stealing from, are you?"

"Does it… matter?" she asked, slow and easy and Azorael sighed before shaking his head.

"No, I suppose it doesn't." he answered and she grinned again, nodding her head.

"Great! Come on!"

-0-

The house was fancy, definitely belonging to a Dunmer, and it was empty. The Dunmer in question hadn't been home in days, for reasons Azorael didn't care too much to discern, and his house was clean. It truly was the most perfect job- and Azorael had been in and out in under two and a half minutes.

The necklace in question was black silver- rather than gold, like Azorael thought it would be- and there was a single blue sapphire gem attached to it, with a bit of gold dusting here and there. It was magick, but not all that powerful- more of a protection charm, than anything actually useful.

"What Quen wants with such a useless little artifact," Azorael snorted, before pocketing the necklace, "is beyond me."

-0-

Quen didn't take the necklace and no one would buy it from him, which made him beyond suspicious of Quen's reasons for sending him on that particular heist. But he figured out the reason why two days later when Tedras appeared- where Azorael was in Riften, on a well deserved break from everything in Tamriel.

"If you wanted my attention, you could have just asked," Tedras said with a smirk and Azorael let out a startled yelp, falling from the tree he was lounging in and onto the ground. He was having an annoying case of deja-vu, from when Naryu startled him a while back in Shadowfen.

Azorael got up and glowered at the Dunmer, "Don't you know when to quit? And what's this about me wanting your attention?" he puffed out, sitting back and leaning against the base of the tree. "What are you doing here?"

"A little birdie told me where to find you," Tedras said, raising an eyebrow and tilting his chin down, looking amused, "something about a necklace of mine?"

Cursing sharply, Azorael jumped up and was immediately on the defensive. "Quen set me up! I _knew_ something was off with that heist! It was too easy and she was being so… so…" he stopped then and bared his teeth, before digging into his pouch and he grabbed out the necklace. "Take the thing back and then go back to your fancy little home. And do _me_ a favor, ask that pretty little Nord out that keeps-"

"I don't want her…" Tedras said, sounding a little sad and that was what had Azorael pausing, his breath caught in his throat. "And I haven't forgotten."

Snorting, Azorael forced the Dunmer to take the necklace before turning away, "It'd be easier if you left me alone." he growled and Tedras hummed, not saying anything. It was silent for several minutes, Azorael's eyes closed tightly before he opened them, the silence too much and he glanced at the dark elf, noting with surprise the fond, but sad look, he was giving the necklace.

"This necklace used to belong to my sister," he started and Azorael sucked in a sharp breath, guilt heavy in his stomach, even if he had been set up from the beginning. "She's gone now, but… in a better place, surely."

"I'm sorry…" Azorael murmured and Tedras smiled at him, lifting his gaze to meet the lizard's own.

"She gave me this necklace before her passing- it was her way of saying I had her blessing, for whoever I wanted to spend my life with. _Regardless_ of race, Azorael," Tedras said and Azorael turned his head down and away, tense now.

"I don't-" he tried but Tedras cut him off.

"I want you to have it," the Dunmer said, holding the necklace out towards the Argonian again and Azorael swallowed hard. "It has a protection charm that might help you on your journey, and… if you still want me gone, at least I'll know you're safe."

"What…?" Azorael frowned and looked up at Tedras, his eyes feeling a little wet now.

"You're a stubborn Argonian, you know? And I also know that you're not likely to change your mind, so…" Tedras shrugged and clutched the necklace tighter before he suddenly sighed and he stepped closer to Azorael, straightening the necklace out in a silent offer. "Will you let me?"

"I… but you…" Azorael deflating then and he closed his eyes, looking down before nodding slowly. "Okay…"

Tedras smiled and stepped impossibly closer before putting the necklace around Azorael's neck, "I knew I made the right choice…" he whispered, and Azorael let out a tired sigh. "My sister… she would approve of you, I know she would."

"...why?" Azorael asked, knowing that Tedras would know he wasn't asking how he knew. But instead, why he was even still trying- when all the Argonian kept trying to do was push him away.

"Because I want you, Azorael," Tedras offered, lowering his head a little so he could try and meet the lizard's forlorn gaze, "and I know you want me too. So tell me, why can't we, for once, have what we both want?"

"The world doesn't work that way…"Azorael muttered, frowning and Tedras rolled his eyes. "It's not going to last… but I… I don't want a one time thing with you."

"It won't be a one time thing, I promise," he started but Azorael shook his head.

"Can you promise that something won't destroy whatever this is?" he asked and Tedras frowned. "No, you can't."

"I don't have to promise that, if only you're just willing to try," Tedras argued and Azorael shrugged.

"I want to… but… I can't just… I can't sit idle just to try a relationship with you, Tedras. And I won't let you risk your life to come with me on this… _journey_ of mine." he said and Tedras raised an eyebrow.

"You're ridiculous, you know that? I can take care of myself if needed, and besides, I don't need your permission-" Tedras huffed out, seemingly amused and Azorael glared at him.

"It's dangerous, what I do, and I won't stand by and watch while you're hurt or worse," the Argonian argued and Tedras snorted.

"So do something about it," the Dunmer said and then smiled, a bit teasingly, "you're the hero, after all. And isn't it your job to help those in need and protect those that need protected?" he asked and Azorael narrowed his eyes, tense for a moment before he suddenly blew out a harsh breath and he let a wry smile cross his lips.

"Yeah… I guess." he said and then chuckled and he reached a hand up to finger the charm on the necklace. "You're not going to change your mind about this, are you?"

"Of course not," Tedras smirked, bring his own hand up to cup the Argonian's cheek. "You can try as hard as you can to push me away, but I'm not going anywhere, Azorael, I can most definitely promise you that."

Azorael finally gave in and leaned a little into the touch before he finally allowed himself a smirk, his blue-gold eyes sparkling now. "I'm going to hold you to that, Tedras."

The answering grin was all he needed to know that he was making the right choice. He was sure of that.

-0-

"So… I hear congratulations are in order," Naryu grinned at Azorael, her eyes sparkling as she noted how much more _relaxed_ he looked, as he did his daily exercises, using his tail, curled around another branch, to pull himself up. She was a little amused that he didn't jump this time, as a result of him being so relaxed, now.

"Right, and I suppose you want a thank you?" Azorael smirked at her, still upside down and she chuckled, low but light.

"No, not necessarily," she said and Azorael shrugged, chuckling himself.

"Your loss, I was feeling particularly nice," he answered, "seeing as it's thanks to you and Quen that I'm with Tedras now."

"Of course," she hummed and then tilted her head to the side a little, regarding him carefully, before she smirked again, "well, that's that then! I'll expect lots of double dates in the future," she chirped and this time, laughed outright, when he fell with a squawk of surprise and a little outrage. "See you at the tavern then, my friend!"

"N-Naryu!" Azorael choked out, staring at Naryu's retreating form. "Naryu Virian! Get back here and explain yourself!" he shouted, refusing to believe there was even the barest hint of a whine in his voice. "Naryu!"


End file.
